


resolute

by ewagan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 01:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12545752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ewagan/pseuds/ewagan
Summary: These are the things he believes in.





	resolute

**Author's Note:**

  * For [themorninglark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/themorninglark/gifts).



> i said kita thread but then this happened so uhm,,,,,,,,, (also maybe some inconsistencies but uh- i tried.jpg)
> 
> hi lark happy birthday <3

These are the things he believes in.

Diligence, the accumulation of effort and the results of it. Consistency, the ritual of repetition in the smallest things. Persistence, the determination to keep trying, to prove something to himself, if no one else.

Maybe his grandmother is right, the gods are watching. But Kita thinks the gods matter much less than this knowledge that sits under his skin. That _he_ would know, if he doesn't do his best. _He_ will be the one to taste regret, feel it sit heavy and hollow in his stomach should he not try. He does not need the eyes of gods to encourage him to do better, their judgment hanging over his head.

In the end, it is to himself he is most accountable to. It is himself whom he will disappoint most in his failure.

His hands are rough, a testament to all the work he does. He doesn't think he does much, not really. But he does what he can, and does it to the best of his ability. There is always room for improvement, but there is also the ability to step back and see all the work he has done, to appreciate it for what it is and to say he has done well, and done enough.

He believes in chances and opportunities that are created, things that do not rely on the roll of the dice, the fickleness of the gods. Things that exist firmly in the neat folds of a volleyball net, the slant of late afternoon light on his way home, the smell of clean soap and polish, in the carefully maintained floorboards of his grandmother's house.

These are his rituals, careful and deliberate. His grandmother says they are a form of worship, of reverence to the gods, an offering of dedication and hard work. She smiles like it's a secret, a gift of sorts. And Kita thinks it is, to the right people, the people who understand and appreciate the truth in it.

And if it has proved to the coaches he is qualified to be captain, then perhaps it has not gone unnoticed.

This is something to be proud of, something he might cry about. It's not much, but it's something for him, an acknowledgement of his hard work over the years.

And maybe Alan is right too. Sometimes, there is no need to find an explanation for his feelings. Simply to accept them for what they are, and to _feel_ them. So he laughs, to Alan's indignation, because there is happiness bubbling up in him and he can’t help but let it out.

Emotions are unwieldy things but Kita is learning, still learning how to manage them. To laugh when he means it, and to cry when it matters.

 

His grandmother comes to his games when she can, proud and smiling in the stands. She tells him the same thing she always does, that there are gods watching. He only smiles and squeezes her hand, thankful that she is there.

He doesn't play much or often, not when they have Suna, Osamu, Atsumu, Alan. He might be captain, but it doesn't mean he gets to play. Only watch and observe, to encourage and to restrain as needed. He is their voice in interviews, the calm and their cool even on the national stage. Kita is their control, their lighthouse. Unshakable and steady, even as he watches them start to falter, in the smallest ways. They might be ahead in this set, but it means nothing if the team loses their composure.

The coach summons him and he goes, takes the paddle and goes back to the bench. He watches carefully, and he waits. Soon enough, the coach gestures for him to go.

Step forward, cross the distance between the bench and the court until he’s standing at the edge, waiting. The squeak of shoes, the feel of the paddle in his hand, familiar from having held it most of the last two rallies. Atsumu’s eyes, sharp and knowing, Alan’s disappointed but resigned. Suna’s not particularly interested and Osamu is watching the exchange. More interesting are the looks from Karasuno’s team, the apprehension and uneasiness. Perhaps even outright hostility.

_I’m just a substitute,_ he thinks.

That’s really all he is, even as he holds up the paddle and the whistle blows, signalling a player change.

There may be gods, there may be things as fickle as luck. But the things that Kita believes in are things he has built for himself, with his hands, steady and patient, ready to learn, to try, to do more and do better. Stepping on the court is not the end of the road, or a goal he seeks to achieve. Simply something else to learn from. Alan's hands brush against his when he takes the paddle from Kita, trembling just a little. Perhaps from fear, from adrenaline. Maybe from disappointment, for being shaky even now.

He takes his place and surveys the team. Steady, unfaltering, cold logic over the rush of emotions. The ball in his hands and a deep breath, an exhale as he throws it up for a serve.

Kita is built on the steady foundations of practice, of years of quiet diligence and patience, a kind of calm most people find unsettling. But Kita thinks that there is no need for feelings of uncertainty, of nervousness. Practice, over and over again, the feel of the ball in his hands, against his forearms, the bend of his knee. It's easy to build confidence from there, the certainty he has put in enough effort to do this, and to do it well.

He doesn't believe in gestures, in one offs. Luck is not something he puts much stock in. Hard work has taken him further than anything else has. He does what he can and he does it well. He's not Alan or Osamu, with their powerful spikes and talent. Nor is he Atsumu and his perception, his knack for strategizing and riling up opponents. He is not Gin, untapped potential in need of experience. Kita is hard work, the accumulation of years of practice and persistence, steady, steady amidst the storm the rest of his team is.

So it is with a confidence born from repetition and practice that he moves to receive the jump floater, an attempt creating an opening, a _chance._ Because sometimes, that's all they really need. just one chance.

These are things that Kita can believe in. Chances, however unlikely, backed up with hard work and a willingness to do more, do better. Chances, created from persistence, an unwillingness to give in.

The ball goes up.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments appreciated!
> 
> You can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ewagan).


End file.
